“Mom, your SO mean” – My 13 year old daughter
My little angel has literally turned into someone, if I’m honest, I just don’t like very much sometimes. She turned into a TEEN. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I have hope that one day my angel will return, but I have a hard time seeing it through all the mood swings at the moment. I know I’m not alone, right? I miss her bright smile when I used to pick her up from school. I miss her wanting to show me EVERYTHING that she did. I miss her making a mess trying to put on my makeup. I miss her stumbling around trying to wear my high heels. I miss her trying to be just like her Mommy.
Am I a bad Mom because most of her and I conversations end in me losing it and yelling like a crazy person? At the end of the day, I feel like the answer is yes. I can do better than this. She can do better than this. It has to get better than this.
If you are going through this or will be going through this soon, this post is for you. We can do this, and maybe even do it right!?? Our daughters don’t really hate us(even though she may feel like it at times). Here are some reasons she is acting like a crazy person:
- She can only see the “now” at her age. She has a hard time understanding the “big picture”.
- She is experiencing all kinds of crazy hormone changes. She will argue(of course) but this is the main reason she she is always emotional and so overly sensitive.
- Her friends and the things going on with her peers are more important than anything else right now. Do you remember that? How if a friend was mad or talking about you, your life felt as if it was over… Well now its her turn. No matter how many times you say, “just wait none of that matters,” it still matters to her(big time)
- She is overly emotional. Studies have found that teens have a much harder time correctly interpreting vocal inflection and facial expressions from other people, and so they sometimes react irrationally to emotional situations. So yeah, sometimes she acts CRAZY 🙂 .
- She still is figuring out who she is. She most likely does not feel comfortable in her own skin yet.(which leads to more emotional breakdowns)
We had these pictures taken of us right after she turned 13. She looks sweet right?!? 😉
Photo Credits: Catherine Marie Photography
Things we have to remember as we continue on this journey:
- Let her make her own mistakes. It’s so hard as a parent, but it is so important that we don’t hover and let her learn things for herself.
- Talk to her..but more importantly, listen to her. Let her unload her problems(even if they seem soooo stupid), just listen and be there for her with your advice.
- Be her parent, not her best friend. She needs this. Discipline is a necessary part of learning how to make it in life. She doesn’t need to get everything she wants or everything handed to her. That does not make a good adult. One day she will thank you!
- Spend more time with her than money spent on her(which now days is harder than it sounds) Go for walks, window shopping downtown, swimming, a movie, just whatever yall enjoy doing together, do that.
- Have an open line of communication. Something is wrong if your kids are scared to talk to you about something or ask you about something. Try to fix this ASAP. This could very well save them from making lots of mistakes!
- Be consistent . Show her that her bad attitude doesn’t get her what she wants. That doesn’t make a good adult either. Make her calm down and see the situation clearer before reacting.
- Be understanding. You have been in her shoes, you know that its hard to go through somethings we girls have to go through. She needs someone to understand how she is feeling.
- SHOW her how to treat others. Don’t just tell her, be the example(again don’t be hard on yourself if you have failed, everyday is a new day) Don’t gossip and run others down in front of her and be surprised when she acts shitty to people. Don’t have a nasty attitude most of the time and get mad at her for rolling her eyes at you. Yes, you are the adult, but how else do you expect her to act!? WE are the examples they have.(Ouch, that is a hard one sometimes)
- Forgive yourself. We are human, and are going to make mistakes. When we yell at her instead of being the adult(is it just me?), its okay. We have to give ourselves grace. Everyday is a new day!
- Say your sorry when you mess up. This goes along way and will help build a real relationship with her.
- Let her know that no matter what you will ALWAYS be there for her. NO. MATTER. WHAT. You are in her corner.
I hope this was as good of a reminder for you reading this as it was for me writing it! Good luck to you as you go through all the madness of raising teen girls! Here’s to strong women, “may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.”